Family addition

Yay! More doggies!

This is Leah, otherwise known as "Little Bit," since she's just a little bit of a dog. She was probably a puppy mill mommy- she was found wandering the streets with 2 lbs of extra matted fur on her 8lb frame. Luckily my Mom was at the shelter when she arrived, but was turned away because they didn't have the room. Mom said she was just fostering her, but also luckily Mom is a sucker (and who wouldn't be for this sweet tiny girl?) and now she has a forever home with us. Plus she's 8 years old, technically a senior dog, and all she wants to do is sit on the couch all day and night :) She wasn't sure about sitting with us at first but now she's starting to cuddle up and even crawl in the occasional lap. She follows everyone around the house (even though her cataracts are so bad she's practically blind), especially my Dad, which is good since Mom brought her home and later adopted her without running it by him, as is her style.

The rest of the "farm" is doing well...


Moonshine & Pixie Sitx are as cute as ever :)

Mom & I got a truck load of hay to feed them this winter, & stacked it to make a wall to break the wind where they sleep. We also modified their "house" for better wind coverage, and I raked up some straw from the back yard to put inside to sleep on, although they seem content to sleep on top of their house for now... we'll see if that changes in February when it gets really cold :)


The chickens are doing pretty well, except half have decided to wait until spring to start laying eggs, so we get 2-3 eggs a day. We gave the white chicken, Coco, a feather trim on her hen-fro so she can see better. The red chicken in the foreground, Daisy, is a scamp who is often on the wrong side of the fence or grabbing the last grape or piece of corn.


One of our chickens, Bridgett, has gone "broody," which means she sits in one of the nesting boxes all day and night, thinking she has to incubate an egg. She will lay eggs but we take them (since they won't incubate anyway- we have no rooster- and if we leave it she will get attached to it), but she will also go sit in the other nesting box if one of the other chickens has laid an egg there, so she can incubate it. We have to throw her out of the box once a day to make sure she eats, drinks, and goes "potty," because she won't leave if we don't make her.


And wrapping up with family additions, here's a screenshot from the video I took of Tommy about to propose to my sister, Megan (when she opens her eyes & sees the ring, she starts to cry and it would embarrass her if I posted that). The whole ordeal was very sweet, and he's a great man. I wish them all the happiness in the world.

marriage

"Work/Study" Program:

neither working or studying took place. Or at least not at our call center, where my co-workers & I would play InkLink, a sort of Pictionary online.

After playing for a while, I decided it was more fun to make up my own words. No one would get any points, and it got me kicked out of a couple games :) Worth it.
Bob Marlee earned himself 1,000,000 points for correctly guessing "Snakes on a Plane."

4th of July & Purchases

Happy Birthday America!

I'm all decked out in red, white, and blue for the holiday. I also dug half a dozen sparklers out of my closet from last year- oh and some snakes, you know those black pellets you light and they grow into snakes of ash? Good times. I'll be outside playing with those shortly.

Yesterday I scored an awesome table at the Goodwill, not high quality but really cool looking:
It has two mirrored surfaces:
And earlier this week I got some jelly shoes from Kroger for $4:Cute!

Numb (Moral Orel)

I won't let this be my future.

I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come up with a failsafe plot
to piss of the dumb few that forgave us
I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it's already too late
and I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
and I never come back to this town again
in my life
I hope I lie
and tell everyone you were a good wife
and I hope you die
I hope we both die
I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
We're pretty sure they're all wrong
I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn't over
I hope you blink before I do
and I hope I never get sober
and I hope when you think of me years down the line
you can't find one good thing to say
and I hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way
I am drowning
there is no sign of land
you are coming down with me
Hand in unloveable hand
and I hope you die
I hope we both die

Need to stop trying to have a social life

Having a social life is expensive and generally heart breaking.

I think I'll stop trying.

The Great Southern Brood

Not again till 2024: the Magiciada, the 13 year cicadas emerging.

I can hear them in waves from the trees. I like the sound; it's loud but you get used to it.

I'll have to take some photos and videos as the land becomes covered as it was back in 1998.

the Dutch I could never speak

Fietsen,
grachten,
baksteen geplaveide straten,
bakkers
en cafes.
Miss Etam naast de Australian ijs... (Kijk, ik vond een foto!)


Double AA naast de authentieke Italiaanse pizza plaats...
Op mijn weg naar het Centraal Station-
Amsterdam voor een paar uur, maar terug naar gezellige Leiden.
Ik voel me thuis bij LP's.
Ik mis Leiden.

Ik vond deze foto ook gewoon googlen Leiden:

Bekijk in het cafe in de buurt van het Centraal Station

Something to look forward to :)

May Day

I wish I had friends to dance about a May Pole with.

My "friends" will probably celebrate Cinco de Mayo with their real friends instead.
(I'm not bitter at all, wink wink.)

Bob's Burgers

"I know when I'm being lied to, Bob-

it's like when I look at myself in the mirror

and say 'it's going to be okay.'"


Also, Childrens' Hospital on Adult Swim. "Like soup in a Mint Julep."

Is it really so crazy that I faked my own death because I had too many emails?

No one? Really?

What a holiday.

No, actually it was like any other day. Just a little more depressing to not get phone calls or texts from friends on holidays. I tried to make my own day, do my own thing, make myself happy; but having no one to share this once happy holiday with is just sad.

Happy Holiday. I suppose there's no reason to bother with Boxing Day tomorrow, as there was really no celebration today and no one to share with tomorrow.

(Foreshadowing: My upcoming birthday! So sarcastically excited to be reminded I have no friends.)

Goats

The weather has been great. I spend a lot of time outside with the goats, Pixie Stix & Moonshine. They are so sweet & funny. Watch them!

Goats at the fence

Pixie in my lap

Running a Private Petting Zoo

Besides the yearly 2 week bunny visitors, we will be getting:
baby chicks and...
miniature "fainting" goats!
to keep & raise with the dogs.

Yay I get to play with goats all day and you don't-
STBY!
Check out des goats ya'll!
Pixie Stix (female)


Moonshine (neutered male)

Why bother to water the plants

Everything's practically dead.

torn on ke$ha

I do like the music & flow of new single "Blow," but I feel gross when I listen to the lyrics. Everything's dirty & sadistic. I know we're far into our imaginations b/c we need to get as far away from the real world (collapsing beneath us) as much as possible. Fantasy music serves this purpose, but I dunno, when I see Ke$ha, I see a cum slut. It's gross.

Agoraphobish

Peanut has a 2pm vet appt, but it's so nice out I'd like to spend some time in the sun before then. I'm taking it in baby steps, getting dressed & ready, but I'm still really anxious about leaving the house.

I miss having friends to do things with, but I don't miss pouring all my energy into my old friendship with Sally. Why would she tell me she used to hate me? Or the thousands of other unkind things she did or said.

I made cookies & am making a small package for Harrison- maybe I can force myself to the Post Office.

Drop it to the floor

If you wanna get with me
There's some things you gotta know

I like my beats fast
And my bass down low

Friends

Developing schizophrenia to make new friends.

Happy Valentine's Day

Re-Re-Repeat Rockstar

I'm glad I'm doing things for myself today since I'm not getting a hold of anyone else.

Dressed up because I like dressing up, and dancing while I get dressed :)

Asked Mom if there were any errands that needed doing, as I was antsy & wanted to get outside. Plus it's like 56 degrees out and sunny. Really nice.

So Peanut & I did the recycling, and then decided to go to LongHunter State Park because it is so beautiful out. We only walked a little over 1/2 mile, but I took a bunch of photos. Good light for it.

I have my interview in the morning for SSI, I'm nervous, even though I know I qualify. I just hear everyone say they reject every claim at least once. It will be mentally and emotionally draining, no doubt.

The rest of my week is filled with doctor's appointments (and co-pays, as my mother mentioned, even though she already knows how bad I feel for being so expensive to maintain. I'm like a money pit).

But today Peanut and I had fun at the park. That was nice. And now I'm tired. Nap perhaps?

Sick for a week, how are you sick of me?

I'm being totally rockstarred (i.e. ignored) by my local buddies. Lame.

I did thoroughly enjoy Dana Carvey on SNL, & will probably spend the rest of my night watching the Dana Carvey Show, which I own on DVD. Another night alone in my room? You bet. Except I have to be sober too. Hurrah.

Enjoy the Super Bowl, fuckers.

What I wish I could do as an adult...

I would like to foster dogs & kids. I think it would make a positive supportive environment that encourages responsibility with empathy.

I'll have to wait until I'm stable enough to support myself before I can do anything.
This might take a while.

I'm so glad someone fostered Peanut for me, and I've always wanted to adopt and/or foster children. And Peanut pulled me up when I was so down; taking care of an animal, especially one in a similar situation as yourself, will give kids an understanding and patient ear. Over time, they will help to heal each others wounds and the children a sense of accomplishment and something to be proud of.

Sometimes the people that are supposed to take care of us can't be there for what ever reason. Sometimes dog owners die, or sometimes they do hurtful things to their dogs. This leaves the dog sad and scared, and it is then that he needs support most of all. If you have support, you know people care about you and want you to live a happy life.

To the Job Market, and world at large:

Fuck it.

I'm over getting any type of job. I'm going on disability and learning how to weave baskets or something.

Also, I am really scared the Repubs are going to take my health insurance away tomorrow :'(

Also also, back on M&Ms. Not good.

Will was right- I suck at life.

I can't stand to take a chance to succeed so I choose a guaranteed outcome of failure. I am failure, and that's all I want to be (I wish it wasn't, but I'm pretty sure it is).

Pff Boo Hoo Here're some cake for your pity party:

I hate you so bad.

Needed a lamp

Needed: Better light in my reading corner.

Had: An extra string of multi-colored lights. And a cookie jar from Granny Jean's kitchen.

Put one in the other, and you get my new make-shift lamp (looks better in person, will try to upload better photo tomorrow in daylight):


Daylight:

Please don't take away my health insurance!

I really really hope Obama stands up to the Republicans who are bullying everyone around to get what they want. I neeeed this health insurance. If I lose it, I could go on COBRA, except I couldn't afford it, so instead back to TennCare state supplemented insurance. They allow 10 "mental or behavior health specialists" visits per year. Less than one a month. That's not even enough for a pyschiatrist to keep up with my changes with different medications, so forget about cognitive therapy, which really speeds up the process.

So speaking of speeding up process, I'm trying to get as healthy as I can while I'm back on my Dad's cushy insurance for a few years, and I've been doing the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award program, which is at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, 5 days a week, for 6 of 8 weeks.

I'm doing my part to get better- don't take away the tools I need to become a healthier, happier, and more active person.

Progress so far:

Began Jan 1, 2010
Weight: 260
Had tough time & a few unsuccessful attempts.

Earned Award: Oct 26, 2010
Weight: 250

Continued fairly smoothly since, earning two more awards,
on Sept 1, 2010
Weight: 240

and Dec 6, 2010
Weight: 230.

Currently working on my fourth award, which I have invested four weeks into.
Current Weight: 217

I can do this, but if I lose my health insurance I'm sure I'll be crying more/becoming enraged by the televisions at the gym, and people kept looking at me. Turn off the TV when you leave your machine, or at least turn the f-ing volume down so I can hear my headphones. (Okay, off my soap box.)

I'M DOING MY PART- PLEASE LET ME KEEP MY HEALTH INSURANCE!!!!

Snow Day

It was pretty out. There were lots of birds, some I've not seen before. Mom wants to mark them off in my Golden Guide to North American Birds like her Father did, but I can't write in books, I think it's disrespectful... to the book.

I've spent most of the day sleeping, eating, and wishing I could smoke. Mom drove me to the grocery store over Dad's objections, but I wanted apple juice & Dr.Pepper & they were out of my brand of apple juice & I talked myself out of buying soda b/c I bought brownies & mini Reese's cups.

I haven't been to the gym since Friday, but really did want to go this morning. I'll be sore by the time I get to work out, anyway.

But like I said, it's pretty out. The snow is 4" and the birds are all coming to our backyard.