To the Job Market, and world at large:

Fuck it.

I'm over getting any type of job. I'm going on disability and learning how to weave baskets or something.

Also, I am really scared the Repubs are going to take my health insurance away tomorrow :'(

Also also, back on M&Ms. Not good.

Will was right- I suck at life.

I can't stand to take a chance to succeed so I choose a guaranteed outcome of failure. I am failure, and that's all I want to be (I wish it wasn't, but I'm pretty sure it is).

Pff Boo Hoo Here're some cake for your pity party:

I hate you so bad.

Needed a lamp

Needed: Better light in my reading corner.

Had: An extra string of multi-colored lights. And a cookie jar from Granny Jean's kitchen.

Put one in the other, and you get my new make-shift lamp (looks better in person, will try to upload better photo tomorrow in daylight):


Daylight:

Please don't take away my health insurance!

I really really hope Obama stands up to the Republicans who are bullying everyone around to get what they want. I neeeed this health insurance. If I lose it, I could go on COBRA, except I couldn't afford it, so instead back to TennCare state supplemented insurance. They allow 10 "mental or behavior health specialists" visits per year. Less than one a month. That's not even enough for a pyschiatrist to keep up with my changes with different medications, so forget about cognitive therapy, which really speeds up the process.

So speaking of speeding up process, I'm trying to get as healthy as I can while I'm back on my Dad's cushy insurance for a few years, and I've been doing the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award program, which is at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, 5 days a week, for 6 of 8 weeks.

I'm doing my part to get better- don't take away the tools I need to become a healthier, happier, and more active person.

Progress so far:

Began Jan 1, 2010
Weight: 260
Had tough time & a few unsuccessful attempts.

Earned Award: Oct 26, 2010
Weight: 250

Continued fairly smoothly since, earning two more awards,
on Sept 1, 2010
Weight: 240

and Dec 6, 2010
Weight: 230.

Currently working on my fourth award, which I have invested four weeks into.
Current Weight: 217

I can do this, but if I lose my health insurance I'm sure I'll be crying more/becoming enraged by the televisions at the gym, and people kept looking at me. Turn off the TV when you leave your machine, or at least turn the f-ing volume down so I can hear my headphones. (Okay, off my soap box.)

I'M DOING MY PART- PLEASE LET ME KEEP MY HEALTH INSURANCE!!!!

Snow Day

It was pretty out. There were lots of birds, some I've not seen before. Mom wants to mark them off in my Golden Guide to North American Birds like her Father did, but I can't write in books, I think it's disrespectful... to the book.

I've spent most of the day sleeping, eating, and wishing I could smoke. Mom drove me to the grocery store over Dad's objections, but I wanted apple juice & Dr.Pepper & they were out of my brand of apple juice & I talked myself out of buying soda b/c I bought brownies & mini Reese's cups.

I haven't been to the gym since Friday, but really did want to go this morning. I'll be sore by the time I get to work out, anyway.

But like I said, it's pretty out. The snow is 4" and the birds are all coming to our backyard.